Thursday, August 21, 2008


No matter how much time may go by, these little ones will remain in our hearts. They may never be part of our family, but somehow they will be with all of us. Even if they were never home, even if no application even arrived to be filed, the pain will still linger somewhere deep inside us--and that goes for us all.

I already explained that my mom arrived to even pray to die, thinking that if something happened to her, the agency might agree to approve for Jonathan as well. That photo of Thomas holding him in a small inflatable pool in Haiti will always be in our home and in front of our eyes. One of my PIN numbers still includes the letter j--a J for Jonathan.

We all prayed, and I don't know how very much I begged, for this little one also--but four children together was deemed almost crazy, and he was referred to another family. Yet, before going home to his new mom, he was called Home, and is now in Heaven with Jesus and His Blessed Mother--who is the Mother of all. For sure baby Jed has a loving, devoted Mom in the eternal Land.

There was that 6-year-old boy in Russia, with underdeveloped legs--but no agency would agree to do a home study for one more adoption with two adoptions (Thomas and Nicholas) still in progress. In the end, Life Adoptions, after looking at extensive information about our family and about my children's extraordinary volunteer commitment, did agree to do that home study--but by the time I found them it was too late already. The doors closed before the process could even get started--and it did hurt so very much!!! It did hurt then, and keeps on hurting still.

Uzbekistan closed to international adoptions, and Sunshine, out of Ohio, closed doors as well.

She couldn't be either . . .

but our new adoption quest is still on!!! When something goes wrong, some people tend to interpret it as if God was telling them that it was never meant to be. On the contrary, I can feel God saying that it's a matter of not giving up, keeping on going, and being strong--because another adoption miracle is the very best way for all of us to dry our tears. It is unbelievable how attached a family can arrive to be to children with whom there was no real contact, no legal commitment--nothing else other than what we felt deep inside our hearts.

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